So my entire weekend outside of working on this blog has literally been me just stuck in bed all day, and I've absolutely hated it. I feel so sluggish and foggy, like my body is made of lead and my mind is made of cotton. That's totally normal for me, though. I began having CFS symptoms after my last bout of COVID-19 in 2022, and it's progressively gotten worse since. I now have to use a walker with a seat built in for my own safety if I go out (luckily they're safe for people with my level of sight loss or I'd be screwed), I'm now having to move into a disabled accommodation and I'm having to move in with my parents for full time care.

Believe me, I'd give anything to just be able to get up and go for a walk. I love walks, I love being out in nature and listening to the world go by, I love the fresh air and there's a beautiful park literally a few minutes walk from me, a park I used to love going to. I can't even make it there now.

Even vocal synth stuff, I have to do it in waves. I have periods where I can make a bunch of covers in a short time and then I won't post anything for months because I don't have the capacity to finish anything in that time. There's been a few times where I've instead had to ask others to help finish a project for me, and it's been awful. I even had to return an oto incomplete because the bank was quin-append CVVC Japanese and I couldn't finish all five. Lately, I seem to be hitting nothing but valleys, and when I do finally reach a point where my energy is up and I'm able to go out and do something, another thing just goes wrong and consumes all my energy again.

With CFS, all energy has to be paid for, and something as simple as a phone call can take you days of recovery. I just hope that once I'm living with my parents, in a home built for my disabilities, I can find a baseline that means I can have a life again.

This post was last edited 2 days, 13 hours ago.